Toddlers and teens can be much the same in the way that sometimes they just won't do what their told. So how do you make them?
Any guesses?
Duck tape and Velcro.
I'm being serious! If you want to use that kind of force, that's the direction to go.
But the goal of parenting is to "protect your child, to help them not only survive and to thrive in the world they are going to live in." (Micheal Popkins.)
There are three main types of parenting.
Here is a quiz that can help you find out your current parenting style.
Authoritative Parenting is when the parenting is focused mostly on the child. Parents interact with them having high expectations with reasonable demands, giving their child the resources that they need to succeed.
Permissive Parenting has low demands of the child, basically the child is the boss of the parents and the child gets to decide what goes so the parents can avoid conflict. The parents teach the child and they view each other as friends. The parent also tried to remove any consequence for the child's actions.
Authoritarian Parenting is the relationship that had a very deep line drawn in the sand. "I am the parent, you are the child. My word is law." These parents expect a lot of their children but don't offer them choices. Their rules are strict and there is little to no warmth in the family.
Allow me to define a couple more things.
A consequence isn't always bad. It's merely the end result of a choice or action.
What's family warmth? Family warmth is the love given between members, encouragement and love.
But sometimes kids can be so frustrating, how can you still parent but be kind?
Encourage them!
Encourage them by recognizing things that they do well already.
Show confidence, when the child is struggling, expressing your confidence in them will build theirs.
Value them as they are, they aren't perfect but neither are you. Show them that they matter.
Stimulate independence, offer them choices and appropriate consequences.
Now this is all find and good for everyday problems but when there is a problem? For example, they have a messy room and you want it clean. Here are some teaching tools.
1. Polite request. Ask them nicely if they would please clean their room, that would sure help a lot!
(Say you come back later and see they still haven't cleaned it up or aren't in the process. You can use...)
2. Send an "I" message. By expressing how the problem makes you as a parent feel, by doing this, it helps the child see how their actions can affect others. "Son/Daughter, when your room is left a mess, I feel taken advantage of. Because either I have to live with it or clean it up. Would you please clean it up?
(And if they still don't?)
3. Use a quick firm reminder. "Son/Daughter, please get busy and clean up." They've already heard you, just keep it short. They'll understand that you mean it.
4. Have logical consequences. When this is necessary, make sure that when you have to employ a punishment have it relate directly to the problem or they will feel that is unfair. For example you can explain that you'll clean after them like a maid if they pay you. Hired help gets paid, so they can either pick up after themselves or you can do it for a fee.
But in all of this remember to still love them! Don't make problems personal, after all everyone is still learning.
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