Listening and Problem Solving

What do you do when someone you love or care about does something that bothers you? Maybe there was a fight or the other person just has a habit that you don't like but you don't know how to talk to them about it? It doesn't have to be big, it can be a normal everyday occurrence. But how do you go about telling them about this without offending them?

In my family, we don't use sarcasm or joke around in that manner because my parents never liked the teasing. Now that we're older it can be difficult to joke with each other because we were never really allowed to in the past. (The ways we joke would probably make good content for a reality tv show, it can be that ridiculous. Namely movie references and jumping out from behind walls but that is a different story.)

The reason my parents dislike sarcasm is because of what it means and how it makes them feel:

Sarcasm: To mock or convey contempt.

Sarcasm gets rid of the warm spirit we feel in our home very quickly. I do believe there is a way to use sarcasm without being hateful or rude but joking with sarcasm can turn from joking with someone to jeering at them. And that can build some insecurities in the family.
In fact, being sincere is becoming rare. Everyone wants to find a genuine person to love but it makes us feel vulnerable to be sincere and genuine ourselves.

The best way I've found to overcome these insecurities is to confront the person that you have conflict with. Just get it over with, be brave. It is difficult and exposing but just be calm. Be curious, not furious. Go talk to them before the feelings become insurmountable and it becomes a bigger problem.
The next part is to express you pain, but try not to place blame. Turn it into an "I" statement, so the person won't feel so much like they're being attacked but like a real conversation.
Lastly, be honest about your feelings. Be willing to work with the other person. If someone comes to you with similar complaints don't get defensive. Work together, listen to each other. Listing is a major part of communication, not just talking. Sometimes it's necessary to keep talking and repeating what was said until you understand each other correctly.
Speak calmly, listen, understand.

Stress and Family Crisis

Every family has problems, everyone knows that right? But what about when the problems are not so little anymore and it becomes a test of your very relationships with your family instead of what you're all worrying about?
When problems arise it doesn't just affect those involved, it can put stress on the family as a whole.

So what's the difference between everyday stress and a crisis?

Stress alone has lots of different definitions that are all related in some way or another. But the definition we're talking about is defined as "importance attached to a thing" or fear or pain that interferes with everyday life.
So when we worry about something, that is stress. The stressor is what caused everyone to feel that way.
(I got my definition here.)

A Crisis is defined as "a stage in a sequence of events at which the trend of all future events,especially for better or for worse, is determined; turning point."

(Again, the source is here.)

Stress seems to be more temporary but a crisis can be one thing after another like dominoes falling on top of each other.
When there is family crisis, regardless of what it is, we have the opportunity to grow closer together as a family or to shove each other away, leading to more heart ache. And even though it's difficult, it's important to gather the family and discuss what's happening and how you feel about it.

A crisis is a trial sent from God that can either build the family tighter together or break it, but it's how we react as a family that decides which one it is. Through the power of Christ's Atonement, we can access the power that will heal us of any wrong that we've ever felt and to find peace for it.

The trials we receive are to polish us and make us brighter and more fit for heaven.

After Marriage

This week we discussed what it's like the first month to the first year of marriage. We made a list of some things that change when you first get married. They were things like: Budgeting, house work, sharing a bed, when to have kids, etc.
You come to find out that once you're married your life isn't completely your own anymore. And it's always hard once you get past the "Honeymoon phase" and you really start to see each other. That a relationship goes beyond just physical attraction. A truly healthy marriage will learn how to give and take and not just when or how to compromise because compromising isn't always a good thing. Sometimes you have to find another option that both can agree on.
What happens is the wife wants to live in LA but the husband wants to live in New York City? Well half way to both is somewhere in Nebraska so that should be fair right? No. That's when communication is key, you learn to talk about your different options. Maybe decide to live in one city for a few years and then move to the other. Or you talk about a similar city in another place, Miami or Boston.
But with time, maybe the spouse may get used to the parts of the marriage that used to bother them before. Granted, you cannot marry a person and expect them to change, but I have seen a few couples that have a change of heart in that manner. The truest form of love is putting someone else's needs or wants before your own.