The Importance of Courtship

Now I realize that "courtship" is a very formal term for dating but I wish people would treat it that seriously again. So often nowadays, a couple will officially begin "dating" and date exclusively that  person. But as soon as it's official it somehow loses that charm and the couple will never go on another date. They revert back to "hanging out." I couldn't even find a proper definition for in the dictionary!

The purpose of a date is to get to know the other person for who they truly are. It's an intimate process for choosing who you want to spend your life with in marriage. Yet so many rocket through the experience. They skip over so many important things, expecting that they know everything. My parents have told me that they are still learning new things after just over ten years of marriage. (My parents divorced then my Dad married my Stepmom, to explain the number.)

 And it's becoming more common that a couple will just decide to be married and there will be no proposal. The boyfriend will never ask for permission, they just go through the motions. They become engaged after a fairly short dating period and stay engaged as a sort of "trap" for years to come. They never seem to overcome that invisible barrier of being engaged. But how do they know they're in love? I've learned this week that there are different types of love described in Latin: Agape, Eros, Philia, and Storge.

Agape is a love of your fellow man, it's more charitable. It's the sort of love you feel for strangers. A level of respect you feel for the people you've just met.

Eros is a romantic love. It's often categorized as sexual. It's that passionate love and longing for the a significant other.

Storge is a family love, mainly between parent to child relations.


I believe all these kinds of love are very different. And how does this apply to dating? Isn't hanging out the same thing?

Actually no. For something to qualify as a date, it has to have these characteristics.
It has to be paid for, has to be planned, and it has to be paired off. Hanging out doesn't serve a purpose, just spending time isn't as effective as doing something that will lead you to learn more about the other person. How you date will normally reflect on how your married life will turn out.

My last point is something intriguing that my professor said to the class. He asked us if there was anyone who doesn't have any needs. When we remained silent he exclaimed, "Then you're all needy!" Too often a couple will not talk to each other because they are afraid to sound needy, but that's just it! We all have needs and wants, hopes and dreams. If we can't or refuse to talk about our problems then we cannot expect to advance the relationship. Guess work and individual struggle wont build a strong relationship.